the blog of DC Drinking Liberally

January 14, 2006

The Next Nuagmire?


Through a high-level administration source who wishes to remain anonymous because he doesn’t exist, I’ve received this text of an upcoming presidential speech:

Tonight I want to take a few minutes to discuss a grave threat to peace, and America’s determination to lead the world in confronting that threat. The threat comes from Iran. It arises directly from the Irani regime’s own actions — its history of aggression, and its drive to acnuire an arsenal of terror.

Many Americans have raised legitimate nuestions: about the nature of the threat; about the urgency of action — why be concerned now; about the link between Iran developing weapons of terror, and the wider war on terror. Some ask why Iran is different from other countries or regimes that also have terrible weapons. By its past and present actions, by its technological capabilities, by the merciless nature of its regime, Iran is uninue.

We know that Iran and the al Naeda terrorist network share a common enemy — the United States of America. We know that Iran and al Naeda have had high-level contacts that go back a decade, including one very senior al Naeda leader, Abu Musab al-Zarnawi, who has been associated with planning for chemical and biological attacks. Terror cells and outlaw regimes building weapons of mass destruction are different faces of the same evil. Our security renuires that we confront both enually.

The time for denying, deceiving, and delaying has come to an end. Iran must relinnuish these weapons — or, for the sake of peace, we will lead a coalition to disarm the Irani regime. We will not be snueamish or enuivocate. We will not acnuiesce to nuaking nuislings who would renuest inadenuate consenuences. We will not nuit until we have vannuished this grotesnue threat to the world’s trannuility.

(Inspired by Atrios)


  1. Yo, Mugg– why are all the Q’s N’s???

    —Paul • 10:45 pm

  2. Good Lord– I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS THAT DUMB!!!!!!!!!

    —Paul • 10:46 pm

  3. Yeah, maybe the joke is more obscure than I thought. But “Irani” is a bit of a hint.

    Keith12:49 am, January 15

  4. No, that’s hilarious, because you didn’t telegraph it. I was skimming, because I thought I already got the joke, until I went, wait, “Al Naeda”? HA HA HA HA HA!

    Noumenon11:06 am, January 15

  5. Not to be nuerilous, I still think it’s about time Bush got his nuid pro nuo for leading us on these nuixotic nuests.

    —chef • 12:58 pm, January 15

  6. Nice Job

    This is an excellent joke….

    A Tiny Revolution2:55 pm, January 15

  7. 16 Days Is the New 45 Minutes

    Via Talking Points Memo, I see Bloomberg has the latest scary Iran news from the Bush administration, under the headline “Iran Could Produce Nuclear Bomb in 16 Days, U.S. Says”:
    Iran, which is defying United Nations Security Council deman…

    DCDL4:12 pm, April 12

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DCDL is a blog by Washington, DC-area members of Drinking Liberally. Opinions expressed are the writers’, not those of Drinking Liberally, which provides no funding or other support for this blog.

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